consequence | from messages ] [ inbox for ataraxion

[It takes her a while to even figure out if she wants to listen to the message. She starts and stops it, just to get it to stop signaling to her that it's new and unheard. Absently, she thinks about listening to it a few times, but she spends most of her time in the upper decks of the ship, the empty abandoned floors in her wolf form. When she's not there, she's in the gardens. It's easier to be the wolf and not have to answer questions that she doesn't really have the answers for.

It feels like a step back, a regression of sorts, but here she doesn't have something to keep her occupied. There's no pack for her to reclaim, no witches' influence to pull the wolves away from. No family to convince her that they'll get her daughter back home sooner rather than later.

She leaves the bar later than she had expected to one night and when she gets back to her room she listens to it. She knows he hasn't been on the same floor - she hasn't caught his scent or seen him anywhere near the rest of his pack. A touch of guilt hits her, but it doesn't last very long.

For a moment she wonders if she should just call or try to track him down, but in the end she just sends him a message.]

I woke up here, for the record. I'm not going to punch you in the face.

You were an idiot, though.

Edited (I changed my mind while writing it...) 2014-11-24 23:44 (UTC)

i'm sorry

[that's it at first. a repetition of a long overdue apology. "idiot" is still something of an understatement. he knows that the hayely that was here before her pregnancy was telling the truth. that she wouldn't have sided with klaus. that she wanted to be a better person and do the right thing. but circumstances back home changed all that, and he's in no position to blame her for it.]

you can punch me later if you change your mind

[yeah, okay. maybe this isn't the best time to be messing around.]

are you ok

[Hayley knows that it hadn't been the easiest thing to deal with and that her life back home has only grown more complicated. His apology might end up with him being upset all over again, too, but she won't make him believe something that she knows isn't true.]

I'm okay, but a lot happened. I went home. I think you figured that out. Some of it is easy to say, other things I know I won't talk about. A lot of it is going to probably make you hate me again, so if you want to leave it at this -- an apology and knowing that I'm okay, I won't be upset.

i never hated you
i wanted to but i couldn't

[it's the first reply that comes. something he needs to say, even if it isn't the part he wants to focus on. she has to know that he never stopped caring about her. it's just-- when you're hurt, you automatically lash out at the thing that hurt you. and in this case it was all too easy to place all the blame on hayley.]

you don't have to tell me if you don't want to
but i'm still here if you ever need to talk

I don't know what I'd say.

[It's a quick reply, because she doesn't want to dismiss his offer. She knows that it's possible that it's taken a lot of effort for him to even consider that sort of thing. Still there are a lot of things that she's done, things that she knows people wouldn't understand. If Isaac couldn't understand before when it was just a pregnancy, he wouldn't understand now when it's Klaus and her fighting side by side to return their daughter to safety. He wouldn't be okay with her killing Genevieve and even if Hayley still feels remorse for the members of the Guerrera pack that she killed... she knows that blood is on her hands. It isn't something Klaus did. It's what she did.

Then there's Elijah. She knows things changed, that whatever they might have been starting seems to have come to a stand still -- that he looks at her differently, he sees her lack of control and the over abundance of anger and violence.

Still, even with the wall between them, she still cares for him... deeply.

She wishes she didn't feel so alone here and that's probably the reason why she replies once more.]

Are you busy now? Not to talk about home, but just to see you.

[it'd be so easy to say no. to say that he has something else to do and to avoid a meeting that would only ever be uncomfortable for them. but he meant it when he said it the first time; he misses her, and he doesn't want to lose whatever remains of their friendship. not again.]

give me 10 mins
meet you at the bar?
not for alcohol don't worry

ok

[It takes her a minute, but after she puts her shoes on she replies again.]

I can have alcohol. I'm not pregnant anymore.

[the response leaves him at a loss. he doesn't know whether that's a good thing or not, and there's really no way of knowing short of flat out asking--]

is the baby...

[`ok?` which...probably doesn't count as flat out asking. but he can't make himself change that]

[For a moment she thinks about telling him the truth, but she knows that telling him just a small part of it would open up everything and she doesn't want to think about it right now.]

I'll see you in 10.

[She knows that her non-answer is possibly worse than any other answer she could give, but after spilling it all out at Caroline all at once... she definitely doesn't want to revisit that.]

[it's worse, in all possible ways. it leaves him making an automatic jump to the worst possible conclusion, and has him left unsure of how to deal with this. of how to act around her now.]

ok

[and that's it. now it's time to try and...find a way to avoid bringing up the very news that had first torn the two of them apart all those months ago.]

[She unnaturally fast and doesn't really care if anyone sees. She ends up at the bar in a little under five minutes and she sits down in a booth toward the back, but where Isaac could easily spot her if he looked. She orders a glass of scotch and just lets her fingernails tap against the side of the glass while she waits.

She doesn't know why she feels nervous, but she's blaming most of it on all the things she has no outlet for. Frustration and anger that just simmers beneath the surface. She wishes Tyler were here at least, someone to help her through being a hybrid, because it's definitely not getting any easier.]

[by comparison, isaac is late. only by a few minutes, but it's enough to have him looking apologetic the moment he reaches her booth. despite all that happened between them, there's still a certain amount of comfort that comes from seeing hayley again. from there not being a glass barrier between the two of them. from hayley being awake.

he's missed her. that's one thing he'd been completely honest about.]

I didn't know if-

[a shake of his head and he actually takes a seat on the other side of the booth, his gaze briefly sliding across to the drink in her hand. she isn't pregnant now, which means she has to have gone home to have it, right?]

I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd never wanted to talk to me again.

[It's odd to be across from him again. She knows a lot has changed for her, she feels a lot older. She's been through a lot. She's died. She's had a child and had to give her away to keep her safe.]

It's been a while, Isaac and -- sorry about being callous, but I have bigger things to be concerned about than how you reacted to my life back home.

[She takes a sip of her drink.] I understand that you just saw things differently, you saw me differently. I can't change who I am, so I just had to wait until you felt differently.

What happened?

[it's a question that comes after a long pause. after a time spent simply trying to work out what to say. things have changed beyond what he'd expected. changed, because she's been sent home, and now--

she isn't pregnant. she hasn't mentioned the baby. if something's happened, he wants to know. to help, somehow. he still cares about her too much to ignore the possibility.]

You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But...if you want to talk about it, I'm here? I don't mean just right now either. [a shrug, and he adds--] Whenever you want.

[because it's not like she hasn't done more than that for him before too. it's the least he can offer her.]

[Hayley frowns a bit. It's not that she doesn't want to tell him, she feels like she can trust him with it all, but it's not the trust that she is questioning. Their friendship is already on this tenuous thread and given what her position is, the feelings that she has regarding Klaus and his family -- and her own actions recently -- they won't see eye to eye.

She's not proud of what she's done, but she knows that it's only the start to the long process that she's undertaken to bring her pack together and her daughter home.]

I know you say that, Isaac, but the things that happened... me telling you those things won't end with you staying here. I'm not a good person. I'm not even a werewolf anymore.

[he knows he could disagree. could promise that he won't run again. that he'd be there for her no matter what she told him. but he also knows that would be a lie. he hadn't meant to do that the last time either, but it hadn't stopped him when the time came. then, it'd only been the knowledge that she and klaus had slept together. that she was pregnant with his child.

now--]

I want to try.

[to offer that help. to listen, even if it does go badly. he doesn't know enough about her life here to know if she has anyone else she can talk openly to. whether she's told anyone as much as she's told him.]

What are you? [because she's already said it. she's opened the floor to it.] If you're not a werewolf, then what are you?

[She appreciates the words, the thought that he might make that effort, but she knows that she won't put that sort of burden on him. He's still, in a way, just a kid and the things he has to handle back home are enough trouble for him.]

A hybrid. [She glances up to him and takes a breath.]

The witches took me. The stress put me into early labor and once they had -- [She pauses, taking another breath.] -- once they had her, they slit my throat and left me for dead.

Her blood had been healing me... somehow. [Because, technically - normal pregnancy the mother's blood helps the fetus, not the other way around.]

So, I died with her blood still in me. [Hayley doesn't know if Isaac understands how a hybrid works, but she's willing to explain it if he wants.]

[he knows enough. remembers everything that ric had told him about klaus and what he was. but that isn't the part he focuses on now. it doesn't matter in light of everything else hayley has just revealed.

(she died. witches took her baby.)

there's an apology on the tip of his tongue. one bitten back because he knows how useless it'd be. sorry means nothing when you're the one who's lost something. someone. so instead, there's only a quiet comment of--]

You're going to find her.

[it may seem like an empty comment, but he knows what she's like. knows that she won't let anything get in her way. especially not for her own child.]

It's gonna sound like a dumb question, but how're you doing?

[with being back on the ship. with her search being cut short. with the whole hybrid deal. he may not be much help for most of it, but that won't stop him from trying.]

I did find her... but I don't have her anymore. [It's the truth, but without any of the real details.]

I don't -- [She shakes her head.] I don't want to talk about that.

[Her hand rubs at the back of her neck, trying to push away the knot of stress that creeps up as she tries to push away the thought of holding her daughter and how little time it felt she had with her.]

I'm fine - here and back home. I can control my shift - turn anytime I want or never again. [She looks up at him finally, after what probably feels like more than a few minutes of her staring at her drink.] If you ever need help, I'm stronger now -- [She tries to dismiss it for a moment.] Just if no one else is able to.

[he only nods at first, at the request to stop talking about her child. while he may have never been in a position like hayley's before, he's still lost people. lost those he cared about (loved) before. so he knows how difficult it is to talk about those who're gone. whether they're alive still or not.

the rest though-- the rest has him curious. has him weighing up his options already, despite how far away it still is until his own upcoming full moon. he still has derek here, but actually listening to him has become more difficult by the day. you can't listen to what you can't trust.]

I may need to take you up on that. It's not really working out with my pack.

[a shrug, and he leans back in his seat, half considering getting a glass for himself now. there's still a lot he wants to ask her. but knowing that her home situation is off the cards makes it difficult to know what to say.]

...what about the vampire stuff? I know Jenna used to-- [he cuts himself off abruptly there, staring off toward the rest of the room for a moment. a breath, and then--]

Vampires need to drink blood, right? So what about hybrids?

[When he glances to the room, she lifts an eyebrow. There's a hint of amusement on her features, probably something that he hasn't seen in a while from her.]

Yeah, I have to feed. It's not as often, my life doesn't depend on it, but there is an underlying blood lust that I have to control. The medical department is capable of handling it, though. I'm not going to go on a tear through the ship.

[he'd been caught up on a memory that's still painful to him, but her reaction is enough to set it aside for the time being. to bring a smile of his own to his face, briefly. one that's hidden somewhat as he shifts in his seat.]

If you need it--

[a huff, and he pushes himself to his feet, ready to head off to the bar, if only because it means he doesn't have to see how she'll react to what he has to say. at least not yet.]

I've got no problems being a juicebox for you if the medbay doesn't work out.

[and then he's off to said bar for that drink. give him a few minutes.]

[She goes to reply to his offer, but he's off to the bar, so she'll wait for him to return. When he does, she shakes her head.]

I appreciate the offer, Isaac, but I should be fine. [It's an intimate thing and she wouldn't want to press that sort of thing onto him. Unless he actually wanted to have her do that, but she's pretty sure that no one would simply offer that up for the hell of it.]

Even if there's a shortage, I can be okay for a while. I won't desiccate or anything. [At least, she doesn't think she would. She might get weak, extremely weak, but that would be after a week or more.]

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text. dated two weeks post jump.

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w o w idk where this notif went but SORRY

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