consequence | from messages ] [ inbox for ataraxion

[he knows what he must look like. knows that he isn't bothering to even try to hide just how he feels right now. there's no smiles, no easy banter. as much as being around hayley make make everything a little easier to deal with, he isn't close to forgetting just how badly things went.

there's a slow nod of his head, before he steps forward to close the gap between them. to try and seek out comfort from hayley as his hands slip free from his pockets and wind their way around her, grabbing fistfuls of material to keep himself from holding her too tightly. his head drops to her shoulder, face pressed against her neck as he takes a few deep breath. a few moments to ground himself through hayley. her scent. her touch. her heartbeat. he doesn't say a thing, instead focusing on the fact that she is really there. that this isn't his mind playing tricks on him all over again. he isn't sure he'll be able to manage that a second time.]

[He seems to nearly fold into her and she doesn't really mind. They'd breached that sort of contact a while ago, but it doesn't stop her from being concerned as to why it's happening now. The context is definitely not radiating anything other than needing comfort. Her arm slides around him, holding onto him and keeping him close. A hand cards into his hair, holding onto his head and just trying to make sure her breathing is steady.

When Tyler was going through his changes, there had been moments where he thought he'd give up. It was too much, too painful and yet he pushed through it because he knew he had to. Hayley agreed that all the pain would be worth it, but it didn't make it any easier for her to watch. There's a sense of helpless when someone you care about is suffering through something that is a necessary thing.

Things on this ship, though, they don't feel necessary.

Her head tilts against his, just letting him stay where he is. She stills with the thought that eventually he'll tell her and then she'll see if there's something she can do to help.]

[it's always been simpler with hayley. there's no need to try and prove himself to her. no need to hide the worst parts of him. she hasn't tried to pressure him for answers before, or pushed for him to change who he is in the same way that those back home are capable of doing, subconsciously or not. which is why going to her hadn't taken any thought. it's what he needs right now. that time to work through it all and decide what he's going to do next.

for a long while, he doesn't move. doesn't say a word. he's too busy taking advantage of the comfort offered to him to work out his next step. (talking. talking should be his next step. he just doesn't want to.)

eventually, his grip does loosen up, hands dropping away to hang limply by his sides. he doesn't move any further than that though. not at first. instead, there's a few attempts made at trying to say something, his voice failing him a few times before he finally manages to find it again. or a quiet imitation of his usual tone.]

I think I need to sleep.

[because he can't remember the last time he did. out in the ship, he hadn't needed it. but since coming back-]

Stay with me?

[When his arms drop to his sides, she doesn't move away, instead she just shifts the way she holds onto him, letting her hand smooth over the back of his neck and down his shoulders. It's not really clear why he's there, because there's definitely something he's not telling her, but he came to her for a reason and she knows that he trusts her not to poke into things. It's difficult not to ask, because she wants to know. That worry that he's going to end up in trouble or that he'll leave, that everything people have told him will eventually just click into place about her and he'll turn on her like everyone else seems to.

When he finally speaks, she slows her hand over his hair and just listens. Considering how worn out he looks, she agrees that sleep is the best thing for him. Maybe a bottle of water, too, but she's not going to try and mom him by forcing liquids on him.

She pulls away from him, just to look at him and nod.] I won't go anywhere. I promise.

[She's learned on the ship to be a woman of her word and even if she had been the kind of person who took what she needs, she has figured out that sometimes it's better to just leave what she needs behind so that someone else can have it. This, this with Isaac is not one of those things. It's probably selfish, but if he's going to rely on her she's going to cling to that for as long as she can.]

Thanks.

[it's sincere, if a little underwhelmed. it's too hard to find the energy to do or say much more though right then. even lifting his head takes more out of him than he has to give. it's only after finally looking at hayley that he moves away from her, making his way over to the bed instead. dropping to a seat on its edge, he stares down at his own feet. at the boots he needs to pull off next.]

...they don't know I'm here.

[derek and the others. he hasn't seen them since before the jump, despite knowing he should have at least checked in with them afterwards. especially when both derek and scott are fully aware of just what he's been looking for, out in the hallways. the only trouble is, he isn't anywhere near ready to start answering their questions right now.]

[She watches him move to the bed and when he finally settles she moves toward him and kneels down to help him take his boots off. Her hand brushes to his calf as she grips to tug the boot off and repeats the process with the other one.

Her hands fold onto her lap when his boots are off and she looks up at him. She understands the importance of pack, of having family, but she also realizes how complicated it all is. She doesn't understand how the dynamic has shifted so many times with all of them, but she's seen enough of the past interactions to know that it's not just them giving up on each other. It's always them trying to protect one another.]

I take it this was a sudden decision. To come here.

[he doesn't put up any protest, no matter how much her help feels awkward to him. feels too much like a parent taking care of a child. it's enough to bring a dull jolt of pain at the reminder of just how long its been since he was on the receiving end of that kind of care.]

This is where I wanted to be.

[it's an honest answer, despite the fact he doesn't make any eye contact while giving it. he enjoys spending time with hayley, and in a lot of ways it's more comfortable being around her than with the members of his pack. there aren't any expectations with her, and it's something he needs. especially now.

hands still laying uselessly on his lap, he turns one over to slide towards her instead, fingers reaching out in a request for contact all over again. for her to lie down with him when he finally does try to get some sleep.]

[No one has ever chosen her. No one comes back; they all just leave, so it's with a slight amount of resistance that Hayley believes him. She knows that he's tired, worn out and she trusts that and her own instincts more than the thought that she's the person he wants to be with right now. It's easier for her to believe that there are just too many other people he doesn't want to be with.

Hayley stands up and pushes his boots aside with her foot. There's nothing worse than getting out of a slightly unfamiliar bed and tripping over your own shoes in a room that's not your own. Her fingers slide against his, taking the offered hand as she moves to settle onto the bed beside him. She sits on her leg, letting it tuck beneath her as she looks down at him. Both of her hands hold to his, giving them a gentle squeeze.]

You can always come here. I won't turn you away.

[it takes a while, but eventually his gaze does lift, just far enough to look briefly across at her. the relief may not be obvious in his expression, but it's there, hidden beneath layers of exhaustion. beneath a need to get some much needed rest.

it's only a few moments of contact though before he's looking back down again, his grip only dropping out of necessity as he forces himself to move. to drag his legs up onto the bed so he can lie down. and for once, he takes the position by the wall. he needs to know that she'll be there to keep him from heading back out. at least for now. even he knows that it'd be a bad idea right then.]

[As he moves, she waits for him to settle before she shifts to untuck her foot and lay beside him. It's getting too close to something she wants to have, but she's trying not to let it be this important to her. Hayley turns onto her side to face him, settling onto the small bed with him.

Her fingers brush from his temple into his hair, as she watches him and tries to see if he's going to tell her anything else. Her hand settles near the nape of his neck, resting there with the warm touch that comes with what she is. Leaning forward, she brushes a chaste kiss to his mouth before she pulls back.]

You should get some sleep.

[while he may not say anything in response, the contact makes a difference. it's enough to help him relax. enough to start pushing his thoughts away to try and buy himself some time. he's still caught on the idea of heading out there. on the idea of his father still being lost in the hallways with no one else trying to find him. but he knows he's no use to him this way. (that he's never been any use to him.) and so the quicker he gets himself back together again, the sooner he can head back out and find him.

he nods his head slightly, fingers reaching back out again to rest against her hip. as much as he knows she won't break her word, that she'll still be there when he wakes up again, he can't help but keep a hold of his own. he needs her there.]

M'sorry. [for not telling her what's going on. for taking up her time. for worrying her. eventually, maybe, he'll try to fix that. he'll open up and explain what's happening. but right now isn't that time. right now, he just needs to sleep. which is why he doesn't have any trouble curling in to her, to keep that familiarity close enough to keep the nightmares away.]

[Hayley just shakes her head. There's no apology needed, he doesn't need to explain himself or anything that he's going through. She worries, but she knows that as long as he's coming to her in one piece that it'll be fine eventually.]

It's okay. [As he shifts to curl in closer, she moves to settle beside him. Her head tucks beneath his chin and despite him only having three inches on her, she still settles lower and holds onto him with her one arm as the other comes up to rest beneath her head. She takes deep breaths, hoping to get him to breathe deeper, but just comfortable beside him like this.] Just get some sleep, Isaac.

[She'll stay awake and make sure he falls asleep and then she'll roll over and text Derek to let him know that at the very least Isaac is safe. Isaac might get upset with her later, but for now, she'll be willing to risk it.]

[there's no reply this time. nothing but a quick tightening of his grip as an unaired thank you. having her there with him make it all easier. helps ease the pressure in his head and the pull in his chest telling him he should be back out searching already. that his father is still out there waiting for him to turn up, it's a distraction from the thoughts that've been plaguing him the past few months, but it's something he knows he needs. and having it come from hayley instead of his pack- it works.

it's with the calm of the room, the relative peace and quiet that it holds, that he finally lets his body take over and succumbs to the need to sleep. he's no good to anyone otherwise.]

from messages ] [ inbox for ataraxion

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject